If your looking for a long lost laugh when you see a name like Epluribus Mays or April Furst get ready.
For all of you uninitiated comiconnomenclaturists (people who appreciate funny names) here is a little introduction.
This list consists of real names of real people. The names are funny to someone, usually me, or they would not be included. Some of the names are funny because of region, some are just weird spelling. Some were named by their parents, or themselves, on purpose, some are mistakes.
The list started when I noticed that computer entry people were keeping their own short lists of names. At the Chicago Police Department Area 4 Detective Division, the computer guy also had a list from the Cook County States Attorney's Office. I typed both up and passed them out. The response was tremendous. It seems that all kinds of people kept their own lists. I got some from the Chicago Board of Education. one lady from the Commerce Clearing House sent 250 names.
Once you are looking for names they pop up all over. For example my dentist, who I had gone to for years,was named Harry Shephard. This I think is funny but I never noticed until I started the list.
If you have name(s) that you think are funny please E-mail them to me. I will put you on a list to receive the updates, they are infrequent. The only thing I ask is that the names be legitimate. If possible include the whole name, even though only part of the name is funny. If there is something about the name that others would not understand please include an explanation. For example there is a street in Chicago named Irving Park. The fact that the Korean man and the Jewish women had a son and named him Irving Park would only be funny in Chicago.
Enjoy, Les, your name collector
E Mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
And Now The List.38spec,First name only,her father's first name is Pistol
Abel Sanchez,His brother is Cain Sanchez
Adorable Virgie Goody
Africa S. Bartlett
Airastede Jones, Pronounced arrested
Al Pacino Smith
Alabama Vest, Macon, Georgia slave who invented the Kazoo in 1840
Alan Fierce, Attorney
Alexander S. Flesh
Allen R. Toothaker
Almighty Four Hundred, This was a legal name change that was used to honor his street gang. Originally named John Smith
Alphasigmaphi, First name only. The parents certainly take the fraternity thing far
Amber Bottoms, 3 month old homicide victim
Amer & Ica, First names only of twins
Annabel Elliot Outhouse, Author of the book Privies on Long Island
Annette Funicello Miller
Anu & Enu KMT, These two guys were fraternity brothers in KMT. They legally changed their names and opened a vegetarian restaurant Delights of the Garden in Atlanta. This restaurant does not cook any food but serves all of it raw. Another example of the Greek Societies members going nuts
April May Rains
April Cott, Sister is June Cott
April Monday Austin
Ari B. Good
Ariisted Johnson, Pronounced arrested
Aristotle,Pronounced Arista Lee
Arlo K. Funk
Armand Hammer, U.S. Industrialist, Occidental Oil, who dealt heavily with U.S.S.R.
Armistice Day Richardson, Of course he was born on 11 November
Artherites Mann, Pronounced Arthritis
Artimis Bobo, Brother is Starsky Bobo, Sister is Sahara Bobo
Ava Maria Pasqinelli
Baby D. Waits
Barefoot Sanders, U.S. Judge in Texas
Barry Metric, don't you wish he was a weatherman
Beauty L. Carter
Beauty Mark Lee
Bee Ready, Perhaps a Boy Scout leader?
Belch M. Daloon, Female
Bernard Judge, Editor of the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin
Big Hands Jackson
Billy Dilly, Oklahoma bomber Tim McVeigh's Army roommate
Brain Cancer, His mother wanted to name him Brian, but spelled it wrong
Bright Sheng, Pronounced Shine, Composer in Residence, Lyric Opera
Brown Brothers Harriamn
Bryant Disco Boozer
Bugliss Collins Jr.
Bugliss Collins Sr.
Bunny Nightwalker Hatcher,Senior Staff Consultant, Human Relations Commission, L.A. County
Bunny Ann Grabonski
Burt G. Pohrman, In Oregon bankruptcy court
C. Sewell Weech Jr.
C.W. Crumpecker Jr.
Cain Sanchez, Brother of Abel Sanchez
Capers C. Funnye, Afro-American Rabbi
Carbon Petroleum Dubbs III
Cassius Clay, Not Ali but a child
Chacko, First name only
Charles Outlaw, He's a car thief
Charles Terrible, New Jersey Deputy Atty General
Charlie Clam, High School Counselor
Charlie Altoona, I wonder what Star Kist would say to him
Cheers Boozer, Convicted rapist
Cheri Dan Westmorland
Cherry Veronica Coke
Chicago Politics all of these guys regularly use the first name of Dick.
Dick Phelan, Former Candidate for Governor in Illinois.
Dick Devine, Former Chicago Park District President, recent U.S. Senate Candidate. Used to work in Dick Phelan's law office. Currently Cook County State's Attorney
Dick Daley, Actually Mayor Daley uses the name Richie or Rich
Chris Cross, Works at the U.S. Dept. of Education
Chris Craft, N.A.S.A. spokesman
Christian Prince, Yale student, Murder victim
Chrysanthamun Turnipseed, Brother of Hyacinth
Ciced Jones, say Secede
Cicero C. Sessions
Cicero Unique Gibson
Cipher "Anderson", He is a famous cryptologist and a professor of mathematics. I am not sure of his last name but his father, who was one of the men that broke the Enigma Code, gave him that first name
Clay Head, Brother of Dick Head
Clear Huddleston and his younger brother Clair Huddleston
Clement Harbour, Oak Park Detective
Clevester Reed, His twin is Levester
Cliff L. Drinkwine
Collie Rohme, Perhaps Lassie can find him
Commodore D. Roberts
Cosmic Wonder Crocket
Crazetta Davis, Mother wanted to name her after her dead father, Craig. Craigetta did not sound right to the mother. The father, Craig was killed while fighting with a DEA Agent
Merry Joy Bright, all of the same family
Curly Cration, brother is Timeless Cration
D. Patrick Mullarkey, Dept. of Justice
Daury Freese, It would be nice to order a Dip Top cone from him
Davey Crockett, Male black, rapist
David Wimp, This guy uses a adding machine to add the number 1 over and over until he gets to a million. This is his hobby
David L. Yunich
Dean Dickie, An Attorney with the Dick Phelan law firm
Defray A. Calcote
Dent Teen Murray
Derail Easter, Police Officer, I don't know if it's the same guy but Derail Easter was a motorman on the Loop elevated train in 1976 when his train jumped the tracks
Devil A. Drink
Devon Showers, It seems that Devon killed Belmont while on Sheridan. At another time Devon killed Hubbard, all Chicago Street Names
Dewana Ball, Dewana is a 260 pound female
Dick Head, Brother of Clay Head
Don Juan Evans, He is a rape offender
Dorcus Withers, Homicide Offender
Dr. Needle, Sorry not an anesthesiologist
Dr. Kneebone, Chiropractor
Dr. Waters, Urologist
Dr. Mangle, Chiropractor
Dr. Hyman, Gynecologist
Dr. Morbia, Cardiologist
Dr. Carver, Forensic Pathologist
Dr. Clay Hammer
Dr. Winke, Optometrist
Dr. Roger Slaughter, Trauma ward physician at Cook County Hospital
Dr. M. Cholera
Dr. Noble Emdee
Dr. Goldfinger, Gynecologist
Dr. Renee Hartz, Cardiac Surgeon
Dry Ice Washington, He says "peoples call me Dry Ice because even though I'm smoking I'm still cool". Dry Ice is his legal name
Dumore Hardman, Most women would love this guy
Durwood S. Laughinghouse
Dwight Christmas, Convicted rapist
E. Pluribus Mayes
Earl E. Bird, Head of an animal rights group
Early Wynn, Chicago White Sox pitcher
Earthaline Johnson, Daughters name is Mayola
Eid Abu Hashish
Elwood Cluck, Attorney
Enola Gay Bender
Eric Gotobed, Lives in Little Snoring, England
Ethereal Green III
Etoyal Farmer Ferguson, Brother of Hosia Farmer
Except for Deoder, who owns a beauty shop, and Stank, who I think should contract with Deoder, these names are not that strange but they all came up in the same murder investigation at a beauty shop
F. Lies Camper
Faye McCall Wham
Felin Quist Rushing
Female Johnson, pronounced Fee Molly
The whole thing with the names Female and Male is interesting. When a child is born and the parents do not immediately give it a name the hospital refers to it as Female or Male with the mother's last name. Many people seem to leave the kid with that name. While working with newborns at Cook County Hospital my wife encountered many kids named Female. She once asked a mother where she found such a pretty name. The mother said that the doctors named the baby and she decided she liked it.
Finuf Cacksakker, In Florida bankruptcy court
Former president, Luster Hair Products, her husband is Precious Luster
Fook Quan Goon
Forest Nutter, Wisconsin teacher of the year, 1991
Forrest Woods, Forrest live on Park Ave. in Forest Park
Forrest A. Plant
Forrest Aggie Sales
Forrget Nicole Leavy
G. Severe Cole, Attorney
G.O. Rilla, Initials only
Gail April Showers
Galactica L. Pope, nickname Battlestar (sic)
Gary Cowman, spokesperson, National Cattleman’s Association
Gazzola Vaccaro Jr.
General McArthur Ware, He will not return, he was beaten to death after he climbed into the wrong person's car to sober up.
General Mack Varner
Genghis Kahn Harris
George E. George, George P. George, Brothers
Glade F. Flake
Gloria A. Sepsis, In hospital for a chronic infection
Godzilla Gorilla Pimp Hunter, 3 year old
Gordon Babyruth Fred
Green Flowers, Cop killer
Greene Black, D.D.S., Southern IL. dentist who is considered the Father of Modern Dentistry, perhaps the name refers to the color of teeth
Ha Ho, Arson Victim
Haley Rainey, His nickname is Lightning
Hammer Budge, S.E.C. Chairman
Handy Cheeks Jr., Convicted rapist
Hans Christian Anderson, His nickname is "Executioner" he is a memeber of the El Rukn Street Gang
Harron Honey, Tasty sounding isn't it?
Harry F. Twickler
Harry Port, He was convicted of killing his lesbian wife
Henry Chin Goo
Hillard Homes, The same name as a group of Housing Authority buildings in Chicago
Homer Goforth Homer, 1989 man with the worst driving record in Illinois
Hu Suk, Female Korean
Hugh Munn, He is the South Carolina Law Enforcement spokesman
Hugh B. Sweet
Hy Wind, Past president of a synagogue
Hyacinths R. Turnips, This is an alias used by Hyacinth Turnipseed
I’m trying to work up a car thing, this is all I have so far.
Steven Buick, shot & killed his 7 year old son in Villa Park, Il.
Dean Olds, accused of arranging the murder of his wife in Wilmette, Il.
Ima Hogg, This one is the daughter of a former Governor of Texas. I don't know if she is also the pianist. I have an unconfirmed name of Ura Hogg who is supposed to be Ima’s sister
Ima Hogg, Famous Pianist
Iron R. Tootle, Owner Tootle Oil Co.
Irony & Omen, Brothers, first names only, the parents planned on having a girl. The name they chose for her was Despairing Mist
J. Gaylord Cox, Former U. of I. professor, Gay Rights activist
Jack Plum, his sister is Jill
Jack Ripper, Representative from Oregon
Jagoff Jackson, Auto thief
Jamshed Butt, N.Y. cab driver that got stiffed on a fare from JFK to Troy, Michigan. The fare was $2,000. plus $250. in traffic tickets
Jar Hompungphoo, Twin brother of Jas
Jaun L. Person
Jeffery Falick, rabbi
Jesse James, Three guys by that name currently live in Chicago
Jesse James, This Jesse is the Treasurer of the State of Texas
Jill Plum, brother is Jack Plum
Joe Friday , Head of the National Weather Service
Joel Dollarhide, accountant
John Sukup Jr.
John E. Grayson, Sister is Johnny Grayson
John Knowles Payne
John Outlaw, Cook County Sheriffs Deputy
Johnnie Walker Redd
Judge Jolly, A judge in California
Judge Hardy, Police officer
June Cott, Sister is April Cott
Jungle L. Taylor
Justice Marshal Smith
Justin Case, Instructor at Brother Rice High
Jutwan Ray, say Jew Town
Juvenile Hall Lewis Jr.
Kane Garreau, Is he from the land down under?
Kanshica and Kinshica, Twin sisters
Kenneth Payment, Attorney
Kieth Penis, This was his name as listed on an arrest report for a Sex Crime. It turned out his real last name was Penex
King David Washington
King George Frisby
King David Nolen
Knowledge Clark Jr.
Kumsuk Saringer, Her boyfriend broke her jaw
Larry Derryberry, Oklahoma Attorney General
Larry Moe, I hope his brother is named Curly
Lavoris Dorsey, Mother of Abandit Dorsey
Learned Hand, Judge
Lemon Works, Former high ranking Chicago Police official
Lemonia Works, Daughter of Lemon Works
Levester Reed, Brother of Clevester Reed
Light Keeper, Maintenance man for J.C. Penney's. One of his job was to change the bulbs
Lilly Easter, Killed her 2 year old foster son
Lionel Tiger, Naturalist
Little Anthony Billups
Sody Popp. Sisters
Lotta Fish, The L. Fish chain of furniture stores in Chicago started by her husband in the 1870's. Guess what the L. stood for.
Love Everlasting Jones
Lovlace G. Love
Lowe Myles, He’s a radio producer, not a used car salesman
Major Senior Sr.
Major Senior Jr.
Marc Loveless, 1st openly gay appointee to Cook County Human Rights Commission
Marco Polo Cantu
Marijuana Pepsi Jones
Marvelous Suddeth, Murderer
Marvil S. Summer
Maximillian Hell, Jesuit Priest, teacher of Machiavelli
Maya Kolpa, Politician
Mayola Reynolds, Mother is Earthaline
Mentis Non Compis
Mercedes Byberg and her sister Lexis Byberg
Merry Christmas & Noel Christmas, Twins
Merry Joy Bright
Mike Stonebreaker, Middle line backer, Chicago Bears football team
Milton Bradley, Witness to a homicide, probably learned that life is not a game
Ming T. Merciless, At least that is the name this person used when registering his car and getting license plates #CYS438
Minor Wisdom, U.S. Circuit Court Judge in Tennessee
Mona Lisa Bush
Monte Carlos, Radio Producer, KQED in S.F.
Mumtaz Japanwalla, She calls herself Jane
Muse O. Salami
Myrtly Quay Spain
All of these children attend the same school, same grade
Neamon Beamon, Burglar
Nevada Romance Harris
Nick Odeamas, "Litn'n" on the Amos and Andy television show
Nosmo King, Not related to Nosmoking Jones
Notrial S. Clark
Null & Boyd, Law firm in Boston, a partnership between Jessica Null and Maria Boyd
Olympia Snow, Member House of Representatives from Maine
Omar Sharif Ford, 15 year old caught with a fully automatic 30 shot TEC 9 assault pistol
One Cancel Jr.
One Nite O. Love Washington
Ora L. Thomas
Oscar Omar Avila Wong
Outlay H. Meyer
Paris Singer, not Piaf but of the Singer Sewing Machine Family
Paris Brewer, Murderer
Pat Mummey, Coroner, Spokane Washington
Patsy Dena Hill
Pearly White, Afro-American school principal
Pee Wee Ching
Penney Candy Rivers
Percy Pleasent Love
Pete & Repete, Identical twin brothers
Phebruary, first name only
Philander Hopkins, Home invader of the elderly
Philander Rodman, Dennis Rodman's, of basketball fame, father. Philander has 27 children. He currently is living with 2 wives and 15 children in the Philippines
Phines Kennedy, Say finest
Picabo Street, pronounced Peek a Boo, U.S. Olympic Gold Medal Skier
Please Ransom Jr.
Price Gaines Jr.
Primrose Battle Jr.
Prince Moon, sister is Princess Moon
Princess Pimpinella Hohenholoe
Progress Always Lloyd, North Carolina bank robber
Purification Pastor, Rapist
Pye R. Squire
Queen Ester Washington
Queen Ester Green
Queen Estelle Bishop
Queenielove E. Minor
Rabbi Brief, Rabbi is his tittle, I do not know his first name. We can only hope his sermons are such
Reginald Absorbine Jr.
Reverend, Elder E. Toaster, International Church of God. The side of his van reads, "Known Internationally as E.T."
Rip Van Johnson
River, Leaf, Rain, Liberty, and Summer Phoenix
All of the same family, River is the actor, Leaf is the brother the rest are sisters
Ronald Williams II, Brother of Ronald Williams III
Ronly Bonly Johnson, His real name is R.B. Johnson but some bureaucrat said initials have to be followed by the word “only”
Rose Budd Redish
Rosie Cheeks, While she was locked up in Cook County Jail she still managed to get pregnant
Rufus T. Firefly, This was a character name used by Groucho Marks but some poor person has this for their real name
Rupert Roach, Arrested with a small amount of cannabis
Rush Lyons, Nickname "Crazy Lips'
S.E. Senior Sr.
Sahara Bobo, Sister of Starsky and Artimis
Saint Mary Harris
Salem S. Salem, Guess his middle name
Samuel Camel, Armed Robber
Santa Claus, According to his State ID Card he lives in Winter Wonder Land, IL. and on the Pana Reindeer Farm in Pana, IL.
Semaj Reynolds, Mother's current boyfriend, but not the father of the child, wanted the baby named after himself, James. Mother thought under the circumstances the backwards James would be funny
Semetric B. Zims
September Melody Seals
Shandtanta Jackson, Twin sister is Shandtnana
Shep Heard, Police Sergeant
Sheryee Harddick, sister of Luevater Harddick
Shiney B. Brown
Shirley A. Bushyhead
Shirley I. Truly
Shonda Synthia Burgess, In Yiddish the word Shonda means an "embarrassment"
Shonda Leer, The parents pronounce it Chandelier
Shonice Johnson, She says Sure Nice
Shyny, First name only
Silester Gilty, Police Chief, Ford Heights Il.
Sing N. Nigger
Sir Lancelot Williams
Skip Collector, Associate Director, The John Laroquette Show
Smokey Forester, Sound mixer Universal Studios
Snow White Tamayo
Snow White, This young lady worked with my daughter at the Disney Store in a mall near Austin, Tx.
Soo N. Choo
Sparkle Hayter, She is a reporter at CNN
Spotswood I. Qimby
Spotsworth Christmas III
Starlette Jones, Assistant Attorney General, Baltimore County
Starr Saphire, Ornithologist
Sterling Gunn, Chicago Police Officer
Steve Aquafresca, Apple grower and State Representative, Grand Junction, Colorado, Led a fight over water rights
Sue U. Dinkelspiel
Sue Sun Shine, Sally Sun Shine, Sisters
Sumner Slichter, Economist
Sun Cheary Griffin
Sun Tan, Burglary Offender
Sunny Cloud, Atlanta housewife who packages home drug test kits for parents to use on their kids
Sunny Diane Bluing
Tad Manlove vs. Sterling Lemon, A court case
Takik D. Snipes
Tatsuya & Atsuya, sisters, first names only
Taylor Wines, Federal Judge. I truly hope not in Northern New York District
Tekila Robinson, Mothers name is Tijuana
The C. Sargent
Thomas Goldtooth Begay
Tiffany & Taffany, Twin sisters, first name only
Tijuana Robinson, Daughter of Tekila
Tillie Willie Zeiss
Timeless Cration, Brother of Curly
Tomaine R. Grissom
Tondria Green, Mother of Retondria Green
Topsey Jean Glantz
Trygve Lie, U.N. Secretary General, 1946
Ubiquitous Perpetuity, A California nudist who says God gave him this new name
Udon Givafux, I have his mugshot and his expression matches his last name.
Vathansombat Kanniga, Afro-American female
Vaya Condios Shuman, Law Review Editor
Vicki Fucks, Manager at Midwest Magazine Services for WorkBench Magazine
Victory Pearl Harbor Island Jr.
Vincent Money, Theft Victim
Wae Phoe, Whenever police ask his name his answer causes upset
Waggoner Carr, Texas Attorney General
Walter Restored Jones Jr.
Wax & Artificial Flower, Twins
Weedo Dingledein Dasho
Whit Cornman, spokesperson, United States Grains Council
White Folks Burns
Will Lee Jones, Brother of Willie Jones
William Wayne Justice, U.S. District Court Judge for Northern Texas
Willie B. Long
Willie D. Shine
Willie Warship, Dope Dealer
Willy Billy Guinea
Wonderful Terrific Monds, Plays Triple A baseball for the Macon Braves and was their top prospect for 1995
Woodser Ann Chocolate
World B. Free, NBA player nee Lloyd A. Free
Wyatt Earp, Currently lives in Monmouth, Il.
Young Boozer Jr.
Zippidy Doda Day Jr.
Zippidy Doda Day Sr.
One of my co- workers received a crime report to follow up on. Zippidy Doda Day was named as a robbery victim. The detective thought someone was playing a practical joke on him. He called the phone number listed in the report and asked for Zippidy Doda Day. The lady that answered asked him if he wanted junior or senior.
Zowie Bijarro, I spoke with his father, who was a stabbing victim. He said that Zowie was named in honor of David Bowie's son